Just When I Stopped Looking
by SmearedLipGloss
Summary: He had heard that people see their lives flash before their eyes before they die. But Nate Archibald saw his past, present, and future fly freely in his mind before facing the realization that Blair was in all three of those. NB; CB Read&Review!
1. I'm No One To Love

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except ideas that were originated from my mind.

As Nate Archibald opened the door to his Hampton house, suddenly there was a strong blast of cold air. He slowly walked in, his body burning at any sudden movement made. The large, wide door was beginning to close, but his brain was else where thinking of sunscreen, oceans, and crowns. The door was closing in on him, and before he could move it, the wood closing had knocked into his shoulder.

"Shit! Oh, my God." He grasped his sunburnt shoulder. When he took his hand off to take a quick glance at his forearm, he caught a quick glimpse at the white print his hand had left on his shoulder. He remembered that Blair had always pressed her tiny palm onto his skin to see if he was burnt, and is he had been she would have rubbed some of her thick, fancy cream on his skin. He missed those lazy summers with Blair sailing on his boat, swimming in the ocean, shopping on Main Street, skinny dipping in her pool at night, or just lounging in her bed watching _Breakfast at Tiffany's_. All he had done he had done this summer was walk aimlessly down the crowded beaches. He had spent a day with Chuck, well two hours, 'hanging out', but he couldn't stand looking at his face every time he had spoke. Chuck had thought that he would forgive him after everything he had done? No, it was too hard now. Too hard to go back, just too hard. Just that one day that he had spent with him, Chuck had been called by Blair to go with her to some boring event that her mom and Cyrus were hosting. He had tried to make a joke about Chuck being whipped, while he had scrambled around the suite looking for his purple bow-tie. _Purple?_ _Really? _

He threw his keys down on the couch before he fell on it himself, only causing more pain to his damaged skin. Lying there with his eyes closed used to be one of his favorite past times, but now all he could see was a certain face that kept appearing any time that he had slept, rested his eyes, or even blinked. _Guess who? _But it wasn't always her face, sometimes, like now; all he could see was crowns, snow, and pastries. The constant reminders of what he had in his grasp but let go. Just when his routinely tears came to the surface of his eye lids, there was a sudden bang on the door. He wiped his eyes dry and wearily walked to the door, looked through the glass, and his bitter reminder was in front of him. Twisting the knob, he opened the door with a smile that could fool even the most perceptive person in the world.

"Chuck! Hey! Oh, you brought Blair with you. What a _wonderful_ surprise!" The words seeped through his teeth.

"Well, we just got here from the city and thought we would stop by. Hope that's okay?" Chuck stated.

"Oh, of course. I was bored anyway, need company. Hi, Blair." The smile came back, but this time the fractures were obvious in the charade.

"Hello, Nate." Her sunglasses remained over dark eyes.

"Do you guys want to come in?"

"Chuck I don't know-"

"Sure, Nathaniel! Good to see you again." He sauntered through the threshold with Blair's hand weaved through his. Nate's gaze dropped to the floor before more unnecessary water seeped through his eyes. He would save that pain for later.

"Hey, do you mind if I use the bathroom? Long car rides do that to me, Nathaniel." Chuck's eyebrows were raised as his arms pointed down the long hallway.

"Oh, yeah, sure. Go ahead you know where it is." It bugged Nate how casual Chuck was right now, as if nothing had happened.

Blair was standing awkwardly in the middle of the family room, her fingers playing with the hem of her dress. He had never seen her uncomfortable in this house. Well, once, but he chooses to ignore that moment. He just stares her down, trying to decipher every thing he can see on the surface of her. She looks different now. Her hair is lighter than he remember, a little more wild, her dress is shorter and heels taller. Her lips are perfectly glossed, her nails a bright violet. She can feel his eyes boring into her and she quickly glances up, catching him, before she looks up at the ceiling. It's still hard looking at him, seeing him. They weren't that type of couple that could break-up, move on, and become friends. They never had been able to because they had never been 'just friends'._ Maybe that was the problem._

"Nate, please stop staring. It's rude and annoying, didn't you mother ever tell you that." She didn't expect to say anything rude, but after seeing his almost-too-pretty-for-a-boy- eyes, the ice had risen to the surface.

"Sorry. I just," he started saying, but he couldn't finish, he couldn't think of anything to say. They both looked at each other, just looking, but something was different. Some heated tension filled the air as their breaths came out faster than they both realized. Someone had to break the gaze and Blair was the first to tear away, but only for a second before looking at his bare shoulders.

"Oh my God, Nate! Look at your shoulders, they're almost purple." She rushed to his side with out thinking and quickly put her cool hand on his shoulder, examining it.

"Oh, well I-," he was sure to not inhale any of her scent, which was sugary sweet and filling his nostrils.

"Please, I don't want to hear it. Let me guess, the sunscreen was on the couch, but something shiny distracted you outside so you went out and forgot to protect you from being burned to a crisp? Am I right?" A single eyebrow rose on her fox-like face, and all he could do was crookedly smile at her spot-on presumption.

"What can I say, I am easily distracted." His eyes moved to where her hand had stayed rested on his arm. Where was Chuck? That thought quickly went away when Blair trailed her small, cold hand over to his chest where the abuse by the sun had been the worst. His heart rate increased under her touch and he saw her smirk when she noticed.

"You're going to need some serious healing time with some aloe vera lotion." Her eyes quickly swept over his body looking fro any more severely burned spots.

"Maybe I can have Dorota bring over some of my cream that might help." Her eyebrows furrowed, she looked up and saw the smile on Nate's face. Her hand halted on his shoulder, her face read his nostalgic grin, and she suddenly brought her hand from his body and took a large step back. She didn't need any of that right now.

"Sorry that took so long. But Serena called. Needed help with advice on what was the best scotch." A low chuckle came across his lips, before looking at the still unbroken look between Blair and Nate. He instantly grabbed her waist and pulled her in close. A million emotions went through her eyes before she turned her head, wrapper her arms around Chuck's arms, and smiled a bright smile. Chuck looked away to Nate, and her smiled faded quickly.

"Hey honey," Chuck twisted her body around so her back was to Nate," Would you mind if I went down to help S pick out the liquor? I'll be back in at most, 30 min."

"Um, sure. Go ahead, tell her I said hi. But hurry back, okay?"

"Alright, I'll be as quick as I can." Chuck placed his hand on her cheek and gave a chaste kiss on the lips.

"Bye, Nathaniel." He ran to the door and slammed it shut after him, leaving Blair a little jump.

"You okay?" He moved her around so he could see her. She opened her mouth to speak, but hesitated.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You know what, I'm gonna go. I have to get ready for dinner with my mom. She just got in today, so I don't want to be late. Thanks, Nate." She shrugged out of Nate's arms and walked around the large couch to the door, but she couldn't get there before Nate could let her get away.

"For what?" He quickly questioned.

"Er, letting Chuck use your bathroom. Be sure to put some cream on that burn Nate!" She yelled down the hall way, before running to the door and catching Chuck before he left. Nate stopped in the middle of the hall, a new image of her face etched into his brain. He waited a moment before using the image to let the empty tears trail down his cheeks.

___________Two Days Later____________

His sunburn had turned to a slightly lighter pink within the last day or two. The constant rubbing of cooling gel probably helped slightly, but he had slept about 30 hours within the last two days. Which kept his mind off the pain the burn had planted on his skin and the sad, distant look in Blair's eyes before she ran off on Saturday? She had looked so vulnerable and breakable for a reason he couldn't quite grasp. The hot water trailing down his back right now abruptly chilling as the Goosebumps rose on his body. He was clean enough, so he got out of the steamy shower and padded over to receive a thick, blue towel from the closet. But as he walked back to his sink after retrieving a towel, his eyes caught on a gold and aqua blue jar resting on the back of the counter. His hand reached out towards the unknown object, before reading the letter on it, Guerlain Super Aqua Night-Recovery balm. The jar now felt familiar, as he twisted the lid and smelled the soothing aroma. He rubbed some of the thick balm on to his shoulder, before he noticed the thin piece of paper that accompanied the skin-helper.

_Remember this?_

The message could only be understood by him, only he would know it was from, only he would capture the meaning behind the simplicity. He had heard that people see their lives flash before their eyes before they die. But Nate Archibald saw his past, present, and future fly freely in his mind before facing the realization that Blair was in all three of those. He saw her crayon drawing of the two of them in a castle, red headbands in a small box, a small party where he and Blair had shared their first kiss, a room filled with candles and a hopeful girl in a pink teddy, another dark room where he pictured Blair underneath him with a look that no words could describe, a snowy bridge filled with ducks, and a gold tiara whose jewels blinded his eyes not letting him see what was leaving. He saw himself standing at the altar watching her walk down the aisle to him a simple white gown, a radiant smile placed on her face, he saw her screaming in the emergency room while he planted light kisses on her perspired forehead awaiting the arrival of the life he would love more than his own, and he saw them sitting in porch chair letting the sunset drift them into a deep sleep they would never awake.

Nate opened his eyes, drifted his eyes down to the heavy jar,dropped it to the floor where it clattered to the floor. He looked at himself in the mirror and realized, he needed to live his life. But his life only could be lived with one person and he would fight with his life to get her back.


	2. Candle Lit Shadow

Nate was quickly, if not already, to the realization that he was still irrevocably in love with Blair. The feelings he had hid since the night of prom had been slowly coming to surface ever since his and Vanessa's stop in Paris. He could be thinking of anything in that city but he chose to remember when Blair had suggested losing their virginities on a train to Paris. He was turned off by the idea at the time, be he knew he would have done it anyway, not just for the sake of sex, but he would do anything for her. So that night in the city of lights, he pushed Vanessa away, leaving her to later roam Europe on her own, while he walked the streets of Paris and got a train to take him to Harold and Roman's villa in southern France. He told them not to tell Blair that he had come, but he was sure that they did which may have explained the ten phone calls that he had received from her out of the blue the day after he had them waving at him from their terrace. He had ignored every call, hoping she would stop. Eventually she did, which is when the tears had started. But now, they were above the surface, bubbling over and spilling. It had only taken one surprise meet up that caused him to wear his emotions on his sleeve again.

After understanding what he wanted and needed to have in his life for it to mean or be worth anything he hurried over his closet trying to find anything that Blair would be impressed by seeing it. He felt that a suit was a bit too much, so he settled for a simple light indigo cotton tee and some khaki shorts. He stumbled over to his dresser to apply some Hermes Eau D'Orange Verte. It was Blair's favorite. He took one look into the mirror and saw his wide awake eyes glimmering back at him, shining at the anticipation of what would happen next. He found his leather flip flops beside his bed on the floor and slipped them on. As he sprinted down to the kitchen to look for his dad's car keys because his driver was off for vacation right now, a picture caught his eyes. It was from the summer of sophomore year. He and Blair were in an embrace, which from the looks of it looked like they didn't know they were being photographed. Their lips were lightly touching, with her arms around his neck and his own around her waist. Before he had a flashback to that he event he refocused on the task at hand, he found his dad's keys placed on the unnecessary key hook beside the desk where his mother kept her stationary. Dashing out toward the vintage hunter green Aston Martin, he revved up the car and began to pull out of the driveway.

As he arrived at the Waldorf home he noticed that there were about twenty cars parked. He found a slim parking space in front, but instead of getting out of the car, stepping into the lawn and finding Blair he stood his place. What if this was a mistake? What all this for nothing? He knew better than anyone that she would leave him at any chance to be with Chuck, well at least now she did. What if the fight he wanted to have was already won? What if the duel had already over and Chuck had won? He couldn't think these thoughts anymore; they would eventually drive him crazy and crash this car into another one of these cars here. He started to open the door, but one of the questions lingered in his head, what if the fight was over? She had obviously chosen and he bowed out gracefully with poise and grace that Chuck had never had. The known fact slowly brought him to the present where his head dropped onto the car wheel and the comprehension sent him swirling. He must have had his head down for a mere ten minutes before he heard her footsteps on the gravel driveway, quick and impatient.

"Nate?" He looked up from the windshield and saw her standing in front of him.

"Blair. What are you doing out here?" His eyes widened in shock as he took her in, she looked gorgeous. She was wearing a long, white dress that streamed around in the wind. Her hair was down in cascading waves that brushed her shoulders with her new cut.

"My mom is hosting another party for her clothing line debut at Barney's. Small, but you know how she can get, needed some air. What are you doing here?" Her eyes narrowed in curiosity.

"I actually needed to talk to you." He paused waiting for her reaction, but her face remained calm and expressionless, waiting for him to continue.

"Well, um, Blair, this is important. So, if you could I need you to listen closely," he sighed before he started, mentally preparing himself for rejection.

"Oh, did you get my gift, Nate? I hope it helps with the burn." Her hands her left at her side, but she kept wiping them on her dress as if they were clammy, Blair's hands never got clammy.

"Yeah, I did actually. Which is why I am here,"

"To thank me for the cream? That's a bit odd; you could have just called or sent a text." Her eyebrows furrowed again wondering why Nate was being so personal right now.

"I know that, but there was something else that I wanted to say to you. Look, I know that I had let you go, but it was a mistake. I just-"

Before finishing his profession of love to Blair, Nate saw Chuck gradually making his way across the jewel toned grass towards them.

"Just what, Nate?" He just behind her and she followed what his eyes were fixed on, in which she saw Chuck. She looked back at him once more before Chuck go to them.

"Blair. I was looking for you everywhere. No one could find you. I was worried." He hastily kissed her cheek, making Nate wince. They matched perfectly, well it was hard not to match a white dress, but Chuck was clad in a light grey suit, a light purple linen shirt underneath the open jacket. Their dark eyes wore different emotions, each so distinct. His hair was slicked back and a slightly different from the last time he had seen him, in contrast her hair was slack and easily thrown into her face. He longed to reach out and touch her smooth, pearly skin and run his hands through her glossy hair. They both jus stared at him before Blair responded.

"Oh, I just needed some fresh air. I hope you weren't too worried." She looked up to his face and gave a small smile.

"Nate, I hope you didn't think that you would come into the party dressed like that. I know that you don't like the whole scene, but you could at least look like you give a shit." Chuck's eyes made a path down Nate's outfit, scrutinizing it in his mind. He had never paid mind to his outfits before, but now all he could do was judge. Obviously he hadn't come here for the dinner, something else had him here.

"He just came here to thank me for giving him some good cream to help the healing of a severe burn."

"Oh, I suppose that he already said thank you, so why don't we go join you mother inside?" He began to turn her body and they started to walk away. As they stalked away from a Nate, Blair looked over her shoulder at Nate and gave him an unfathomable look, then turned her head up as if Chuck had something. She smiled brightly and wrapped her arm around his waist as if they were the perfect couple. Nate's forehead creased and the shredding sound of a heart filled his ears as the salt water began to empty onto his sweaty face. After this shedding of tears, he vowed himself never to shed a single tear over Blair Waldorf again. He didn't want to cry for her, when there was nothing left to gain, left to lose, or nothing left to do.


End file.
